Beauty in ugly

Hehe went dumpster diving and boy do I have a visual aid

11/15 recap

Today was a fun day.  It was interesting to see all of the projects people had done for the personality assignment.  I found several people's really interesting, the thinker, the tires, and a few others.  I must say though, it's rather annoying when the class is starting to dig in about the deeper meaning of a piece to be randomly interrupted with information that has nothing to do with the current conversation.  one thing that I didn't start a discussion about because I figured it would take quite a while for my rant to finish was something as follows.  When we're young we show our true self to the world.  But we quickly learn that the world is a painful place and we hold our true selves in high regard and don't want it damaged.  So we learn to build layers between our true selves and the world.  The masks we wear when around others, the people we pretend to be, or the way we act to fit in.  Other's see those and build their understanding of who we are and our personality off of it while most never see that true self.  And sometimes we build so many layers that we forget who our true self is and start identifying with the masks that we hide behind rather than who we are.  Then there's the idea that we are identified by who we were, not who we want to be or are working on becoming.  So that we are constantly chained back to the actions we have done before by others.

here's my inspiration picture for next week:

personality

What is personality and what does it mean to me.  If I had dedicated more time to this assignment instead of doing it at two in the morning this post would be roughly twelve pages long and no one would bother reading all of it.  Instead i'll talk about how we represent our personality.  It is what makes us different from each other, how we see the world and give meaning to it.  It changes the way we remember things and how we deal with the good and bad times.  I think one of the easiest ways to determin some of the key aspects of someone's personality is to look at all of the fronts that person puts on, the masks they use to deal with life.  and examine the parts that overlap from them, what is solid throughout that person's changing faces that anchors them down to who they are, and what are the exceptions to generalizations people would use to describe them.

spatially diverse class time

Yesterday we had class at our own chose of location and time.  When asked why, the answer seemed simple to me.  When out in the business world when you have a contracting job or small firm work, there tend not to be any "guidance" beyond a very basic concept of a goal and an intensive for you to reach it(money).  One thing that schools in modern times are terrible at instilling in many people is the ability to stay personally motivated when not given a lot of direction.  Once in the real world there isn't "class time" or a simply formula that you can follow on every assignment to get a good grade, especially in the artistic field. 

For my time I gazed off into space thinking about various aspects of psychology, mostly cognitive behavior and humanistic schools of thought, and how they tied into so many different aspects of life and jobs.  While doing this I had out a couple of my favorite knives from work and slowly sliced up a cherry coke bottle that was laying around.  My first order of business was to cut off the cap section of the bottle, then slowly sliced into the middle of the bottle and even points and pulled upwards.  The way the blades slid upwards was undirected by me and took on a very fringe look.

what is it?

There is a simple truth to the universe, people are fascinated by what they don't understand.  One of the first schema that we learn to identify is gender, and babies under 1 year in age will stare longer at an androgynous person than they will at someone who's gender is easily identified.  Therefore it is important to be able to make any sort of production we have intricate enough to keep attention, but straightforward enough to convey our point.

Time to get real 10/25/10

To day has been an interesting day.  I sat down and forced myself to own up to my actions for the past week and take responsibility for what has gone on. 

      Preface, I have had Severe chronic depression with moderate suicide risk since fall break of my junior year of high school back in 2003.  It took me many years, countless therapy sessions, countless medications over the years, a hospitalization and the support of all my friends and family to get to where I am now.  This summer I was able to go without any medication for roughly a month while maintaining fairly effective control of my emotions.  As the school year approached again I decided to start back on a medication I had been on several years ago instead of the most recent one since I was starting to get additional side effects from the dosage I was at.  I had to withdraw my freshman fall semester because of depression and refuse to let it happen again.  I have learned that one of the best ways to do this is by taking ownership for all of my actions and not using my diagnosis as a crutch or an excuse.  I started back on a very low dosage that I am still at, and am starting to consider getting it increased because of the following.

     About two weeks ago or so I had the onset of a depressive spell start. I didn't catch it till roughly last night and have been doing emergency triage trying to get everything back on track.  I started skipping a couple of my classes even through I enjoy them for various piss poor reasons.   I always had an excuse or two ready to go whenever it was time to go to them.  My sleeping patterns started shifting around and I started oversleeping quite often, unable to convince myself to get out of bed or do any work.  The only thing that I did manage to focus on was an almost fervent obsession with putting together a Halloween costume that I would enjoy.  So on a positive note, I could say that I was slightly creative in that aspect.  I ended up failing to follow through several times at work and slept through two to three alarms going off at a time.  I lost a promotion I had and now have to re-earn it it, as well as getting back on track for school.  I am disappointed with myself, and accept all penalties laid against me.  I am my harshest critic and am trying to use that anger directed at myself to motivate me instead of holding me back. 

     So in conclusion, it's time for me to fix the mess I've made to the best of my ability, forgive myself and accept that I'm human(one of the hardest things for me to do), and try to use the knowledge that I've gained from this to try and avoid it again in the future.   Thought for the day: Never compromise with yourself, if you are coasting through life it means you aren't growing.

sacred follow up

I really enjoyed class today.  There was a lot of open discussion without any screaming or blowing things out of proportion.  I had to refrain from playing devil's advocate several times.  I guess it's just in my nature to try and see what people are made of and try and peel back the outer layers they show to learn what they are really about.

Sacred

I had to think long and hard for this project.  My view of the world has changed many times in my life.  I looked back on my experiences and thought about what common thread pulled them all together.  The most important thing in my life is the relationships I have with people.  On that same note, one of the things that i hold most dear is not betraying my friends.  I believe that Dante got it right when he said that the betrayers are the worst inhabitants of hell.  As far as religion goes, I consider myself a Christian inclusive monotheist with a mix of deism as well.  When it comes to what I hold deepest in my core... I don't feel comfortable sharing all of them on the vastness of the internet.  I fell that it is a topic more suited to one on one conversations. One of those points is that I refuse to let myself be in the same abusive patterns that I have experienced previously.  I try to learn from my mistakes and not be a victim anymore.  I may have been betrayed more times than I care to recount here, but I refuse to ever back-stab a friend like that.

oct 4

Yesterday I showed up to class as normal and sat around talking with everyone.  After 15 minutes i decided that I could spend my time a little better at work rather than waiting around.  I do enjoy the class but just got a promotion at work and wanted to beat rush hour traffic to the office soIi could help out earlier rather than later. 

At the office I learned how to check and verify qualified presentation reports and do kit returns.  I also caught up with the head temp manager as all of the higher ups are currently partying in Cabo San Lucus Mexico on a company pay off. 

As for questions 7-10 on our fear assignment, I really enjoyed Kathy's project of claustrophobia.  I think it could have been slightly more interesting if we had someone who truly was claustrophobic get put in the box.  I really liked it because it allowed the entire class to get involved trying to make the experience truly terrifying for him since he wasn't claustrophobic and not freaking out.  Had the experience been slightly more terrifying for him it would have been very evil.  It made me think of ways that I could have included more people in my project or let the time run longer to see if anyone had gotten more worried and anxious.

Fear

Fear is a natural response that our bodies have to keep us alive.  Unfortunately with the decline of saber-tooth tigers, fear can sometimes become more of a burden than a blessing.  Fear can prevent some people from experiencing a fulfilling life because it becomes generalized to non life threatening stimuli and thus become a phobia.

One emotion that is very similar to fear is anxiety, being worried and fearful about the future.  Anxiety prevents many people from enjoying life to their fullest because they are terrified about what could happen. I decided to test people's response to the unknown with my experiment.  I originally designed my experiment to occur in a pitch black room, but sadly that didn't pan out.  step one was getting all the participants off balance by dividing them up into groups.  Then stare into a bright light so that the effects of darkness are more pronounced.  After staring into the lights for thirty seconds, the turns are turned off and the participants put in ear plugs.  I then started walking around the class so that people would be expecting me to be doing something, but all i did was get close to some people.  If anyone opened their eyes or talked, I used a squirt bottle to spray them with water.  This sensory deprivation period lasted roughly 5 minutes.  

     I expect that my classmates will feel anxious, nervous, or worried during the experiment.  I performed my experiment in class with some success.  Several people got sprayed for not following directions of staying quiet or eyes closed.  After the experiment was over I asked how everyone felt and the majority of the class responded with nervous or bored.  The response I received was roughly on par with what I had hoped for with a few exceptions. Some of the changes I would have if doing the experiment again would include, having blindfolds, white noise generators, and scary looking medical instruments laying around.

As for the discussion of who's project affected me the most, we'll see after class today.  

The beginning of fear

Today was a very interesting day in class.  Most people in the class went for the fear project.  The class started with Beth being absent leading several people in nervous anticipation.  After a little while she arrived and we started our projects.
     The first project was demonstrated out of the blue when a hand was lit on fire using hand sanitizer scaring several people. After the bang that that started with, Kathryn had a volunteer get shut inside of a large cardboard box.  While we were waiting to see the reaction this would lead to, several people started doing different things to mess with the participant.  A mouse was lowered into the box, the box was lit on fire, he was squirted with water, and the box was banged on.  After a few minutes he got out and was no worst for the wear.   We then had a stellar rendition of "I'm a little tea pot... no wait a sec" which was rather humorous.  Next we had a bug-o-matic chair shown as what could be used in a 4D theater... or possible Guantanamo bay.  Then was story time when we got to see the fear of someone telling a dirty story in front of classmates and a professor and the social pressure he felt as a result of telling the story.  During all of this another classmate had popped several balloons scaring a few people in the class.  Next a mouse was brought around the room and everyone got to play with it, especially the ones who were scared of mice.
      I went next and had everyone count off by 2's to get them thinking that i had a large regimented experiment.  Then i had them stare into the lights of the room for 30 seconds so that they would have the bright afterimages burnt into their eyes and after the 30 seconds were up I had them close their eyes and put in earplugs.  I turned off the lights in the room and waited.  The purpose was to leave them feeling the anxiety of being unsure of what comes next.  I walked around the room to mess with everyone and had a squirt bottle that I used on anyone who made any noise or opened their eyes.  After roughly 5 minutes I let everyone finish and asked how they all had felt during that time.
    Then we had two people swap already chewed gum, a slew of people who weren't ready to go, and someone who talked about the nature of external fear vs internal fear.  then we got to pop open biscuit containers which scared a few people, and then examined how music and noises can scare people.

Class 3

In class today we talked in brief about our sensing projects.  The majority of the class time was taken up with two things: discussing fear and playing hide the weasel in the dark.  It was interesting to discover people's feelings on the differences between fear and dread.  For the second part of the class we focused on talking about what our next project was going to be and ideas for how to manage it, and as for the blog post for what my next assignment will make people feel: anxious.

a change on the wind

I mused on many different possibilities for this assignment of coming up with a new sense.  Anti-tachyon clocks, common sense, spirit touch/item reading, etc.  However after discussing my task with several others I decided on Foresight.  Many people have dreamed of being able to tell the future and foresee what will come to pass, but no one has ever truly demonstrated such ability.  I believe that the greatest and most stimulating possibilities that such a power could hold would be when the future is hazy and un-wrought.  If a person with such a power was walking along the street and saw a coming soon sign, they might be able to see what the building was going to look like when it complete behind it.  This would be an amazing experience, but after awhile just like anything else the novelty would wear off.


 I believe the most stimulating feelings that foresight might present would be the hazy future.  When something might not come to pass or the possibilities of what might happen. Imagine driving past an empty lot with a for sale sign up that has a bidding war on it between several development companies and seeing all of their projects and ideas waring for dominance as the future in the space.














On on the larger scale, would a coming war lead to great technologically advanced walled cities, or reduce us to a mid evil culture again?

Class 9/13

It's always a strang feeling starting alittle behind everyone else. Now imagine that the first time you sit down with the reast of your class is a month in. I didn't know what to expect when I entered into the classroom today, bu I must say that I wasn't too suprized by anything after being besides by a couple of my friends that have taken the class in the past.
Today we discussed our experiences walking backwards from our last assignment. We found that most o us fell into some general categories in our experiences, but there were a few that had singular experiences. After talking about walking into trees and stumbling around we started discussing our egg projects and how there was very few "innovative" ideas. There were several very interesting projects, but most had one or two people think of similar concepts. Moving along this train of though we talked about how the true project of the atrist was not to create something nessisarily new, but to convey emotion.
We then started digging into our new project of a new sence. We discussed the diffrent senses that everyone has and their purpose for existing. Our new project is to create a 6th sense and a work that appeals to that sense. I forded myself greatly enjoying this project and was immidately reminded of an old roleplaying session. My friend was playing a tech-priest and claimed to have an internal "anti-taycheon clock". For the Trekkies out there taycheons are what they use to tell time in the star trek universe as taycheon decay is measured from when the universe was born. Therefore we all camerothe conclusion that anti-taycheons measured down to tbe univers's end. I'll have to think for awhile about which of my ideas I want to work on to turn in on this project.

Walking backwards

So I went to a party on Friday night with several other students. As I approached the house I was nervous because I didn't know who was going to be there. After several hours of enjoying a great party it was time to leave.
Let me preface this by saying I was inebriated at this time, but my balance was pretty solid. I started walking backwards back to the van my friends drove to the party to several questions about my current level of intoxication. I explained to my friends it was for e of my classes and found out that several of my friends have taken seeing sideways. I was having a face to face conversation with several people at once while we were all walkin to the car. After sum ling over a broken piece of sidewalk one of my friends told me that I could stop at that point I told him that doing so would lack integrity and that I was a "grown ass man" and would finish the job. Walking backwards I was seeing the same view as I had from several hours prior and had my memory jogged back to the thoughs I had then. I though back to the feelings I experienced then and reflected on them. When I was first walking to the party I was slightly anxious since I wasn't personally invited to the party. Once there I met up with and caught up with several old friends that I hadn't seen for awhile. While thinking of that at the same time I was having to think about one foot behind the the other since walkin backwards wasn't ingrained in my muscle memory like walking had been.

Make up

This is my makeup post for missing the first day of class.  I made my schedule in august and wait listed two of my classes.  I normally wait list most semesters and never had a problem with it before.  I began to worry however after my first day of class in the american sign language class i was enrolled in because the teacher signed that 16 was the hard limit to who was in the class and I was number 3 on the wait list.  I decided to see what happened because two people didn't show up for class the first day.  Sadly they did return on Wednesday and said they didn't want to drop the class for people on the wait list.  So after class our professor wished us all luck in getting enrolled for the class next semester.  At this point i was rather distraught.  I was 4 credit hours short of being a full time student, and the first week of classes were over.  I talked to a few friends and quickly looked over some other courses that had interested me previously but I had to skip over because of the scheduling conflicts.  I dropped another 2 credit hour course that I had used to get to 13 credit hours and signed up for this course after several of my friends recommended it to me, and theories of personality.

Class two

Today in class we got to go and play with all the fun expensive gadgets hidden away from the rest of the campus.    We learned about the different types of 3D media and how they are made for the majority of our time there.  I found the immersive 3D projector to be very very cool and could see how if the price could be lowered on such a device, how it could revolutionize the gaming and movie experience.  The part that I probably enjoyed the most was seeing some of the previous work for our class to get an idea of how far we can go with our projects.

The Egg and the Eye

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I debated for awhile as to what to do with my egg.  I thought of the usual turning them into people but decided that i wanted to make them simply a different prop for a shot.  I love doing conversions for miniatures modding and got into that mindset when approaching my assignment.